leeesa-love nope not back together just friends still! He just likes the babe and baby girl thing lol
I’ve been considering relapsing all day.
He called me and was like babe if you need me at all tonight call me.
He’s never done that.
We were supposed to chill and it’s going to hurt..
I swear you left a hole in my heart.
I thought you would just leave an empty space in my bed.
You left, I knew you would and I swore I wouldn’t hurt this time.
But holy shit I did.
I’ve tried to fill the void with other people.
But no matter who I’m with at the end of the night you’ll all I think about.
Maybe I need another relationship and to stop playing games.
But you left me feeling unlovable.
Who would ever love a broken wreck of a person?
I’ve tried to win you back every way I know how.
But you won’t come.
And I’m losing my mind.
Because no one can replace you.
Or at least everyone who might could wont pay me the time of day.
I can still see you laying beside me.
I still smoke those shitty cigarettes you smoked your last night with me so I won’t forgot how your kisses taste.
I’m a mess and I’m not healing no matter what I do.
The sad thing is I’d give up my entire world for you again in a heartbeat.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do."